This confusion with my dad has catapulted into something I didn’t want to happen and it wasn’t what I was intending. What started as just a letter to tell my uncle how I feel about him being the only male figure in my life….is starting to turn out into this quest for my mom to have my real dad speak with me again.
I don’t think how it really came up is important but here you go. Last Thursday I was thinking of how I was going to write this letter in my own words and read it to my Uncle Gray but I couldn’t finish it that day. I had to go to my moms and watch the Ottawa Sens kick some ass (go sens go, if they win next game we go to the finals!). At one point I got curious about my dad, what he was up too and if she still spoke with him…shit I should have known better lol.
Whenever I have asked that question in the past, it starts this process over. I love her for it but emotionally, Im not sure if I am ready to speak with my dad.
Since then we have had 2-3 conversations about this and during this time I have told her what I am going to do when Gray’s birthday comes around. She didn’t have a problem with that. She even saw it my way. She understands that he was really the only male figure in my life but that is why I think she feels that she has to do try and get my dad to talk to me again. Hell, I just got off the phone with her and I could tell at one point she was crying.
I do sound preachy when I say only male figure...blah blah blah, but people who grew up with both parents AND both of them loving their kids, wont ever truly understand how important it is in EVERY child’s life to have those people there. Both boys and girls look up to their parents, subconsciously, to guide them and teach them how they will do things in life and etc.
Anyone who reads this might think, no, my dad is an asshole. Well if he is an asshole then explain to me why is he still married to your mom? Why is he still trying to take care of you even when you rebel against him? Tell me why he isn’t causing you trauma like so many other…well…parents have causes their kids?
If your mother of father didn’t love you and didn’t have the best interests for you, then they would be beating you up for the fun of it, maybe molesting you and then would kick you out on the street.
So I guess you have all figure that I feel that my dad doesn’t love me. Shit, I know he doesn’t care about me. He might feel bad about not being in my life…but that is a different feel all together. That one is called guilt.
He might feel guilty but that doesn’t mean he cared enough to pick up the damn phone and call his son just to fuckin know what I was up too. A controlling relationship is one thing, which I hear he was in, but that is no excuse.
If he cared at all about me, he would have got the fuck out of that relationship the very second that his girlfriend told him to not call me.
“Gilles, you are not to call or see your son anymore!”
“Fuck that…later bitch”
That is all that had to happen. They ended up breaking up anyways but it sure wasn’t for me. Too late man, you missed my child hood and I don’t know you.
I don’t think how it really came up is important but here you go. Last Thursday I was thinking of how I was going to write this letter in my own words and read it to my Uncle Gray but I couldn’t finish it that day. I had to go to my moms and watch the Ottawa Sens kick some ass (go sens go, if they win next game we go to the finals!). At one point I got curious about my dad, what he was up too and if she still spoke with him…shit I should have known better lol.
Whenever I have asked that question in the past, it starts this process over. I love her for it but emotionally, Im not sure if I am ready to speak with my dad.
Since then we have had 2-3 conversations about this and during this time I have told her what I am going to do when Gray’s birthday comes around. She didn’t have a problem with that. She even saw it my way. She understands that he was really the only male figure in my life but that is why I think she feels that she has to do try and get my dad to talk to me again. Hell, I just got off the phone with her and I could tell at one point she was crying.
I do sound preachy when I say only male figure...blah blah blah, but people who grew up with both parents AND both of them loving their kids, wont ever truly understand how important it is in EVERY child’s life to have those people there. Both boys and girls look up to their parents, subconsciously, to guide them and teach them how they will do things in life and etc.
Anyone who reads this might think, no, my dad is an asshole. Well if he is an asshole then explain to me why is he still married to your mom? Why is he still trying to take care of you even when you rebel against him? Tell me why he isn’t causing you trauma like so many other…well…parents have causes their kids?
If your mother of father didn’t love you and didn’t have the best interests for you, then they would be beating you up for the fun of it, maybe molesting you and then would kick you out on the street.
So I guess you have all figure that I feel that my dad doesn’t love me. Shit, I know he doesn’t care about me. He might feel bad about not being in my life…but that is a different feel all together. That one is called guilt.
He might feel guilty but that doesn’t mean he cared enough to pick up the damn phone and call his son just to fuckin know what I was up too. A controlling relationship is one thing, which I hear he was in, but that is no excuse.
If he cared at all about me, he would have got the fuck out of that relationship the very second that his girlfriend told him to not call me.
“Gilles, you are not to call or see your son anymore!”
“Fuck that…later bitch”
That is all that had to happen. They ended up breaking up anyways but it sure wasn’t for me. Too late man, you missed my child hood and I don’t know you.
posted by Eric Conboy at 1:03 p.m.
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