An eventful few months...

The last couple months have been up and down. I had been toying with what my post today was going to be. Posting on my blog has been on my mind for a while now.

 

I mean, it hasn't been on my mind steadily but it has come up now and then. But I've decided to dip into everything I can think of...a lot has happened since I last posted.

 

My girlfriend and I have broken up. The last 2 months had been pretty rocky with just that. We had this whole on again off again thing going. That has just recently ended. I miss her so much and I wish fate would have let us stay together. I just know it in my heart IF things were different, we wouldn't have broken up and we would be able to work anything out…but hey that's my feeling and I wont play that what if game anymore then just saying that.

 

I had A LOT more I wanted to say about not just us breaking up but recent events have taken over my mind. I only pointed that out because the more time goes on; the more things seem to get serious.

 

After re-reading some of this over, it could be seen as just blabbing on so ill just get to the point.

 

A couple months ago I learnt that my friend Mladen Hristov needed surgery to remove a brain tumor. It wasn't cancerous as I was told but it could have still killed him. He had to reschedule it to about late October.

 

On the 7^th of November he died after a series of complications. I know he had a stroke at one point and was quickly put in a drug induced coma….after that, I was not told by immediate family what happened. He died at the age of 21, I am 22 years of age and this is about 6 months difference.

 

I don't know how many of you readers will understand what it is like to have a close friend of yours or even a friend that is in your close circle of friends to die and die so unfairly. He was very young and went in there with a high success rate of making it out alive.

 

I consider him a brave man who died fairly happy. Sure he was nervous but he went in confident and knew he would beat this thing. He will be missed by me and all of our friends.

 

Our friends are finding some I guess the words I am looking for are meaning or maybe symbolize of him. When we found out about his passing, a couple of people had spoken to him before his surgery.

 

He said to them, jokingly, "If I don't make it, Ill make sure we make it CAL from the grave"

 

CAL is a really good group of Counter-Strike players, whom I guess run a competition of some kind (yes a computer game). I had never really been good enough in that game to know the jargon perfectly or to compete against or in CAL. Mladen had started the group and even came up with the group's name that our friends use. The name is Must Be Hacks (MBH) and since his passing and even during his coma state, we had not lost a game since to make it there.

 

That was more explanation then I had anticipated. Saying this verbally makes it all seem smaller then it really is….anyways.

 

Just today I learnt from my now Ex-girlfriend that her father had a stroke. I was stunned to learn this because amongst this, she had already been going threw a lot of things which I won't get into.

 

For her sake and sanity I pray to god that her father doesn't die. I hope he will be okay. I don't know him but I do know he isn't a bad person. I don't even know what else I could say about this. I just know that if he dies…I wouldn't know where I could help or what I could do for her.

 

I know I'm the ex now but its still fairly fresh and I can't just stop loving her over night. I care about her and he well being. Honey, if you are reading this, I hope you know that I am here for you as a friend.

 

I know saying friend and honey in the same sentence doesn't work too well…but I'm not expecting to get back together. We both know what is exactly going on between us; we don't need to talk about that at any point in the near future.

 

What you are going threw, is what is important!

 

As I think about everything that has happened on your end I start to wonder if God was telling you to not go to collage this semester. I mean look at everything that has ultimately made you pull out. He works in mysterious ways, that is for sure and all of it is too much to think it as one long string of coincidences. Who gets sick and sprains ankles and has thing after thing come up like this 1 after another? God loves all and he is trying to telling you, show you or prepare you for something…what that is, is between you and him.

 

You are definitely on my mind and in my prayers no matter what happens. We will become just as good a friends again one day, I know my love for you will alter a bit but it wont alter far because my love is unconditional for you. You might or might not want to hear that right now but I wanted to say it and let you know that I will always have an open ear for you.

 

You were always there for me in my times of need and I hope you just know it in you even if you cant or don't want it, I'm here.

 

With that out of my system, I don't know what else to say. Who knows, I might or might not post tomorrow…but I know it is late know.

 

I wish I could end this post off on a more positive note but I don't think I can.

 

That's all for now, until next time…