Im having a hard time getting my ideas down today. I cant seem to type out what i want to say very well. My post today might be very random or hard to read just so you all know lol...

Im sick with just a normal cold. it still sucks though. It's summer and Im hoping to see my girlfriend today. She had been busy for the last 2 days...ya 2 days and I miss her like crazy.

Her and I have had our arguments in the past but I love her even more for them. it shows she cares for me more then Ive had anyone else do. my one hope is that we love each other just as much as we did when our relationship was newer.

Arg, im getting a bit frustrated. Im not feeling im getting my ideas out still....this post is taking forever.

I guess I say those things about me and my g/f because i reread a post she had posted months ago about me. I loved to read it again but it made me wanted to change recent events. Her and I have argued, some major some not. I know we love each other but the fact that some of these arguements happened almost feels like stain on a police record you want to fix. I want to show her how much i really love her and hope we can get back into almost a honey moon phase again. I want to do everything in my power to change this.

It is things like these that I both love and hate to look into the past. You can never really know how someone will take what you are saying. Most of the time when i say things like this, Im not talking about 1 particular incident that might be negitive or positive. I usually mean well.

Her life is still a bit crazy with school amongst other things, and I want to know her and be with her for the rest of my life. Due to various stresses both she and I have, which I am not getting into, marriage might or might not happen in the future. That might be jumping the gun in some peoples eyes, but not me. I can still see a future with her. She knows I want to marry her and Im certain if these stresses in our lives were different she would be wanting the same...but if I have to settle for just friends that is ok too. I know for a big chunk of time, I will be hurting that I lost the love of my life but most people dont realize how strong our friendship is. She is an amazing person.

Anyways, enough said about that. I seem to not have much trouble getting my ideas down anymore but that doesnt mean I dont feel I have gotten out everything i could have. Hopefully I'm understood...time will tell. Weird how your brain works huh?

Im really getting anxious for the new season of Smallville. I cant wait for it. I love the superman story and I cant get enough from wherever it comes from.

Also, come October a new computer game is coming out that both my friend myles and I will be playing. It looks really kick ass and he is the one who told me about it. if you want to check it out here is the link, you will have to copy and paste it in tho...im feeling a bit lazy and I dont want to spend the time to add it in my links properly lol.

No matter what happens though, im sure my girl wont like me to play this game as much as I would like too lol...just as well, the last time the game makers (of this game) made a game i got addicted to it hardcore. lol...good thing i have friends to help me out now. love you all :)

www.hellgatelondon.com

so I think that is all for now...hopefully today works out for the best. later all.

I love you honey! :)

What an eventful last couple weeks!

Well this month has been..."eventful" lol. It got a little rocky between the "wife" and I during mid July and near the end we worked it out. It's all complicated but the important thing is we understand and still love each other.

In other news, this past long weekend was just amazing. A couple months ago I had realized my Uncle Gray's 40th Birthday was coming up.  40 is an important age and it made both of us realize what is important in life. For me, it made realize what his role was and is in my life.

In case I havent explained before, I never really had a father. My real father didnt care enough about me to call or hang out with me and have those usual bonding experiences a parent usually has with their child. I later found out whenever he did call me and hung out, it was really my mom nagging him to do so before hand. This new info really took away from the few experiences i had with him. Recently i had met up with him after about 10 or so years of nothing. It was awkward to say the least. I dont really want to see him again. I have a father already.

I told Gray how I felt. I told him that he was pretty much my father and not once did he ever feel uncomfortable about it when i was younger. these were the only bonding experiences I had with an adult male. He really appreciated hearing it and I loved saying it. During this time we also recalled various memories we shared.

I dont know how anyone else will reacted to this information...but for all of you who might not understand or has a loving father, I just ask you one question. Can you put yourself in my shoes and pretend to know what it is like to not have a father?

It's really hard to do because so many people take things like that for granted.  Ive known him for about 12-13 years and My Uncle Gray is the only father I've known. Everyday that goes by when i really think about it, I know that I'm turning to be more and more like him. I think how would he deal with any kind of situation?

Anyways that went well and so did the rest of my visit at The Cottage. I saw my whole family. I just had a blast doing a catch up. It is also undescribable but I felt more mature. The only way i can really touch on this subject is by telling you that as an adult, I now feel comfortable talking to my grandmother (whom is essentially my mom) about anything. I couldnt talk to her about something to do with sex or my relationships but now I can. To me it shows ive grown up and I love it...this is how i felt.

during the weekend the family set off some fireworks and the next day, Gray and I went to the corner store. It is 2.5 Kilometers away. Its the country right...so .5km of that trip is dirt road, no bigger then the size of 1 lane...1 way and the rest is a highway that isnt too busy. So, I explain this because I drove for the first time.

I was a bit nervous at first but as I started to drive i relaxed. It was all so new to me but I loved it. I was a lot better at it then I thought i would be. I dont have a lead foot like you see in the movies but wow is that gas peddle sensitive! Gray said he wasnt as scared about it as he thought he would be. I was easier to teach then others or something like that.

He told me to the basic stuff take the van out of park and put it into drive and since we were on top of a hill, i didnt have to hit the gas till down at the bottom when it went up a bit. he also told me about steering.

Well...it was all just fun and now i am realizing I can drive after all. All the reasons i thought i couldnt drive for are no reasons at all. He told me my neck problems and my mild torrettes syndrome will not be an issue and they werent!  I will be getting my drivers license when i get a job and the money for it!

today I was with my G/F for an important doctors appointment. I dont go into what it was for but lets just say it went well and we are both glad that she is in good health.

Anyways, that is all for now, Ill try to post sooner!